Christmas break we were evicted again and forced to move in with my father's only friend Brad, who lived in a trailer park. I said goodbye in to my own room and hello to my very own spot on the floor. When school resumed I’d be in the 8th grade at my 6th different school; however, I never made it that far.
Whenever my family moved, my father never forgot to pack and bring along his hatred towards me. Dads belittling progressed and it wasn't long before Brad was invited to aid in the cause. The punching, the slapping, the burns, the name calling, all the “come here and shut the doors” were now doubled and the precious cavity that protected me was rotting away. I couldn't take it anymore. The day or so before Christmas I walked out that trailer and never looked back. There was no destination, no plan, no worries. Wherever I ended up had to be better than where I came from. Soon the sun fell taking a temperature with it in and the local high school became my stopping point. I managed to break into a little snack shack and after stuffing my face with chocolate cupcakes, I curled up on the cold floor, listening to the hum of the ice machine. Replaying episodes of my life I wondered about a lot of things such as where was my real mom? Angelina where was she and why didn’t she take me with her? I thought about my dad and how just one ‘I love you’ could have cleaned up so much filth. I didn't want to be freezing my butt off and alone but running away was the only solution that would make the chaos die. Regardless of my choice, I learned that day that went things in my life become overwhelming, I can run away and be free. But since then I've also learned just how lonely freedom can be.
So off I went managing to somehow jerk and stall my way onto the interstate.
My memories are wanting desperately to find my mom. I had this idea that if I found her, everything in my life would change for the better, that in a way, I could hit rewind and start over. My birth certificate read that she was born in Illinois so my 13-year-old heart decided that's where I needed to be. I drove into the night and with every mile that distance myself from dad, the feeling of contentment began to flourish. I suppose I became a big comfortable because I fell asleep at the wheel. After I was jolted awake thanks to the guard rail, I begin to look for a place to pull off and crash out before I crashed out. The next exit led me down a bumpy dirt road where I was forced to drive slow do the dips and holes. But regardless, I ended up stalling. Putting up the window, I prepared myself to call it a day. Tomorrow I would find something to eat and continue on my quest and find my mom. Things were going to be okay.
Awaking to the distant sound of the highway, I rubbed the sleep for my eyes. I glanced out the car window and realized I was out in the middle of nowhere. My stomach reminded me to stick to the plan, so I climbed into the front seat and keyed the ignition. I shifted it in first and let off the clutch resulting in the front tires kicking up dirt but the car staying put. Remembering the hole that I hit the night before, I put the car in neutral and got out to have a look. Sure enough I was stuck. I begin to look around for something I could put under the tire but came up empty due to being surrounded by nothing. Rummaging in the trunk, I found a little wooden box that maybe once had held jewelry. I got down on my knees and begin wedge the box under the driver’s side front tire. The dirt was so soft the hole just laughed at my effort. When my frustrations had reached the point of trying something new, disaster struck. While pushing the box with all my might, the car rolled back, pinning me from wrist to elbow under its hot tire. When I realized what had happened I panicked and tried to talk myself free but the tire had me and his grasp and was not letting go. “HELP ME” I screamed into the empty desert but heard by no one. For about an hour I continued to beg for help and try to free myself but the situation was going downhill fast. Laying on the ground with my head to the side, I watched little bugs perform their daily duty I contemplated getting up but my will would not outlast reality.” screw it” I said. This is how I would die; alone and barefoot. I had come so far but really had gone nowhere. Throwing in the towel, I noticed that I had lost all feeling in my arm so without the pain to limit in my effort, I arose to my knees and gave it all I had. Finally, I pulled myself free. I had to get help. My arm was in bad shape and I was unable to move my fingers. The numbness was vanishing as quick as it had come so I cradled my arm in the other and made my way to the highway.
Help arrived in the form of a van driven by a man and woman who looked like they were time warped back from the seventies. I remember drinking a warm Sprite and passing out. When I came to, I was in a hospital. While my arm was being scrubbed by a nurse a cop eyed me from the doorway. That day before the sunset, I had picked up my very first felony. Grand Theft Auto. While being transported to a cell, I realized two things The first being that the uncertainty of things scare me more than the shackles on my ankles. The second being that I was nowhere near Illinois.
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